Inactivity

I find that lately I have not been blogging becasue most of my computer time has been spent on Face Book - little notes here and there - nothing substantial....  plus, I have been dealing with the dreaded "D".  Depression.  I don't get it. How can one go from being happy and feeling great for weeks and then suddenly wake up one day and all is changed??? I was flying high from my trip to Guatemala and then - BAM! I was in a such a low.  No outward reason that I know of.... then began a month of headaches and an incident of loss of balance, double vision, loss of short term memory and many tests, which have shown nothing!

I hate not having the joy I was feeling - oh, I still have joy in my salvation and the peace of God, but something is missing.  It's a struggle to get up in the morning or to do anything productive.  I do have to work part time, but I don't even have the joy in that which I did.  All I want to do is sleep or play mindless computer games.  What a waste....

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything.... I just wanted to "vent" and explain my absence.

May God bless you~


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January Musings

Happy 2009. May you be blessed this year. When you think of being blessed, do you think of only good things coming your way? That would be nice, wouldn't it?

I will be teaching a ladies Bible study on James beginning this week.

As I was preparing for the first lesson, I thought, "I really don't have any trials in my life right now other than my mother and her health issues." Little did I know..... within days, I was being tested. Was it an attack of the enemy? Was it a physical/chemical imbalance/ emotional issue??? It doesn't really matter. The fact is, I was thrown into depression and tears. Frustrated with myself, I thought, "How can I be joyful when depressed????"

After visiting my doctor who has seen me for a couple of years, he said I am affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, as well as other stressors in my life . I never would have believed it, but when I took a look at the symptoms, I had to agree. So, armed with God's Word and, as much as I hate to, with meds, I am now ready to face James!

Count it all joy. That's a hard one, isn't it? We want to ask, "Why? Why me? Why now?" But being a Christian doesn't give us an exemption from pain, suffering, trials, etc. If we didn't face challenges, our faith wouldn't grow. Our relationship with God wouldn't grow and change. We would remain baby Christians, having tantrums when faced with difficulties leading to anger and bitterness.

If we accept those challenges and trials, and allow God to develop patience and endurance in us, we will be better prepared to to face future difficulties. As a former pastor used to say, "It's good for your character!"

So, I hope you will be blessed as you face whatever this new year brings, by finding joy and growing in your walk with the Lord.

Although I have not felt like doing many of the things I generally enjoy, I have recently done some knitting and sewing. Check out my projects here: Stamp Stitch Scrap for JOY

Blessings 2 U ~ J-ME

summer's end

Teachers have returned to school; tomorrow will be the first day for students. The beginning of sschool symbolizes the end of summer, yet we are just now getting some good summer weather! I am glad I am just a substitute teacher. I am not ready to return to school. I am trying to go off an anti-depressant.... I'm not sure if it was working as it should have; I'm not sure if I should go off it now....

There is so much to do - not just things that should be done like the normal household chores, but fun things - crafting things, yet I sit or read or do nothing. I have much I want to do, but the motivation isn't there.... I can just sit and look at life around me - the trees, flowers, birds, etc. Why? I don't know. Why am I even writing this?? Who cares? I guess that is why I have been so quiet here. I don't have much to share, or if I do, I don't have the follow through to do it. I haven't got any great words of wisdom or encouragement or comfort. I haven't got any deep thoughts to share.... OK, I will share this:

I have been reading Ezekiel as I try to continue reading through the Bible this year. I have been reading a lot of fiction about the Amish. I think I am drawn to the quiet, peaceful, non-materialistic, simplictic lives they lead. Two books I have recently finished are Hidden by Shelley Shepard Gray and Anathema by Colleen Coble. They both dealt with domestic abuse (not within the Amish families) too. I went shopping with a friend yesterday and we found some wonderful buys on flowers. I bought over $80-90 worth of flowers & 2 shrubs for $16.00!! Now I have some color on my front steps. On the way home we stopped to take pictures of flowers that look so pretty. Does anyone know what these are?

8/27 - Thank you Sarah for letting me know the name of these flowers..... Cleome or Spider Flower. Yeah! I'm so happy to know!!!!